Monday, December 14, 2009

clark griswald, move over

while driving by a very brightly-lit (read gaudy) house, football asked 'did christmas throw up on that house?' i laughed out loud.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

who's lame?

artist asked bfp if we were putting up christmas lights this weekend. bfp said 'maybe. why?' artist answered 'well, i just don't want our house to be lame without lights for christmas.' hahaha!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

you're fired

artist and i were talking about the ten commandments and i was explaining what adultery was - once you are married, you can't have another boyfriend or girlfriend. he replied 'unless you get fired.' lol.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

the power of cheese

i gave artist some cheese for a snack today (football is allergic). artist taunted football with 'mom gave me some chesse. she hugs me sometimes too.' heehee. he is such a funny kid.

Saturday, October 31, 2009


our last name is 'wagner' and i typically call my husband 'wags to the ner' (i don't know why; i think it started in college when his friends called him 'wags' and i just ran with it). artist just asked me why i call hubby 'wags to the nerd'. hahaha. if the shoe fits... :D

Sunday, October 18, 2009

didja know?

football made a new friend this morning at the playland and i overheard him talking. he said, 'hey, did you know turtles can breath out of their butt?'

...umm yeah! doesn't everybody? :)

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

i forgot

ladybug had a funny this weekend but i forgot what it was. i will post it as soon as i remember.

Friday, August 28, 2009

hospital or no hospital?

football came home from school today with a sore throat. when artist heard that football had a sore throat, his eyes got really big.

'really?' he said.

'yep.' i reply.

'is he in the hospital?' he asked.

'noooo... why?' i say.

'i think if he has swords in his throat, you should take him to the hospital, mom.'

true. if a child of mine has swords in his throat, i will be taking them to hospital. good advice, son. :)

Monday, August 24, 2009

hard questions

football and i where interviewing each other for fun (favorite bird, favorite scientist, barstool or sidewalk, ears or nose, etc.) and football said, 'mom, i want to ask you a hard question. how did God split himself in half to become Jesus?'

yup. i'll get back to you when i figure it out.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

do you still love me?

artist got in trouble and had to go to bed early.

as bfp was kissing him goodnight, he said, 'i love you. do you still love me?'

it was pitiful, and very endearing.

Friday, August 7, 2009

and that's the law

bfp and i were sitting on the back porch swing when football and artist came out to ask a question. i answered it and artist replied with a straight face 'since mom said it, that's the law'. heehee.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

lunch dinner supper

football called his friend this afternoon. the conversation started as follows:

football: 'what are you having for lunch today?'

other kid: 'tv dinner.'

football (impressed): 'you are having supper in front of the tv right now? we never get to do that.'

clearly a lesson on meal names is needed.

p.s. can i just add that i am proud my kid doesn't know what a tv dinner is? :)

Friday, July 31, 2009

politically incorrect

a spanish commercial come on the television and football asked me if i could translate it for him. when i said 'no', he asked 'why not? i thought you were mexican.' *laughing* so much about this interaction is funny, in a really politically incorrect kind of way (the first being that i am white).

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

things that don't grow back

football asked if a finger is cut off would grow back just like teeth?

it is cold in here?

both boys have always called hair conditioner 'air conditioning'. it struck me as particularly funny *this* morning and i had to share. :)

Saturday, July 18, 2009

watching tv

football just asked to watch 'american home show videos'. lol. i think he meant 'america's funniest home videos'. *grin*

Friday, July 17, 2009

presidents and teddy bears

my good friend has a daughter who has always been a character. she makes me laugh on a regular basis. recently, she and her mom had a conversation about the four president on mount rushmore. she was naming them, george washington... thomas jefferson... teddy bear roosevelt... abraham lincoln. no, that's not a typo - president teddy bear roosevelt. lol.

Thursday, July 16, 2009


a friend posted this on facebook: i just found out that if you say "gullible" REALLY SLOWLY, it sounds like "oranges".

after trying it out (c'mon, you know you did too), i told it to football. he said 'guillible' three times before saying, 'mom, you're just trying to trick me'. hahaha. he gets his intelligence from me.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

the girl i'm going to marry

my sister and i were talking with my nephew, hockeyman (7), about getting married when he grows up. both my boys say they will never get married but hockeyman says that he will get married when he is 25 to a 'hot girl who is kind' and they will have 2 children, '2 boys... or 2 girls... or maybe a boy and a girl'. plus she needed to be a christian so they 'could celebrate holidays and greatness and stuff.' i can't wait to meet this girl.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

momma said a bad word

from 2008 - while talking with some friends last night, i remembered a funny story regarding me and the boys. actually, it's a little more embarrassing (for me) than it is funny, but i'll share it anyway. we were heading out of town for the weekend. football and artist were in the backseat. i was the front passenger. bfp was driving behind The. Most. Annoying. Driver. and i said, 'man, what a f*cking idiot'. laughter erupts from the backseat. shoot! as i am getting ready to correct my mistake, football says, 'hahaha... mom said a bad word. mom said 'idiot'.' and they both crack up again. i have to say i'm glad they focused on that bad word and not the other.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

favorite color

my niece, tasmanian (3), said to bfp, 'guess what, uncle? my poop was green this morning. that is my favorite color.'

Thursday, July 2, 2009

it only comes once a year

from 7/2/09 - i overheard one of my boys at chuck-e-cheese saying: 'i am having so much fun. you should have your birthday here every day.'

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

violent kid

from 7/1/09 - football said 'i am going to make this baby chick bleed' as he was stabbing his fork into ...
an over-easy egg. :) as the 'baby chick' bled all over his plate, he smiled his one-less-tooth smile because he lost his third tooth today.

Monday, June 29, 2009

said the spider to the fly

from 6/28/09 - artist: mom, you know how you hate spiders?

me (getting ready to jump on a chair and shriek, reply with a cautious): yes?

artist: do you hate me?

me: uh, no. why do you ask?

artist: because i'm a spider. (spreads arms and i notice what he is wearing) see, i'm spiderman.

me: aaah, nope. i'm good with that. but don't grow eight legs.

football (groaning): mooooom... spiderman doesn't have eight legs, only two. (shakes head and leaves)

Monday, June 22, 2009

expand your vocabulary

i am not sure when this is from, maybe 2003/2004? - football has been bringing new words into our lives since he started talking. it started with 'me-me' for cat (we think he was trying to say 'meow, meow'). during the years, he has come up with 'bargage' for garbage, 'zoppa' for pizza, and 'van-truck' for an s.u.v. these are words that we use in our everyday vocabuary because of him. :) clever, funny kid!

Saturday, June 20, 2009


from 5/1/09 - artist is feeling better too and asked when he is no longer 'ick-tagious'. :) it made me laugh.

lucky socks

from 5/24/09 - artist knew nana and papa would take them to mcdonald's for breakfast. he was wearing his lucky socks. funny!


from 6/18/09 - children say the funniest things. my artist is exceptionally clever and comes up with some doozies. here's his latest:

we were driving thru a tunnel when bfp honked the car horn to produce an echo. the boys loved that! so at the next tunnel, bfp honked his horn, and rolled down the windows so the boys could hear it better. :) at the next tunnel, bfp honked his horn, rolled down the windows, and let the boys yelled out the window. too much fun!

later we started talking about what an echo was. artist said 'an echo is when it repeats after you. if you say 'hi', it will say 'hello' back.' it was such a funny moment; football, bfp and i all cracked up.

pesky frogs

from 5/29/09 - i am laughing at my poor son, artist. he said 'my eye hurts; i think there's a frog in there'. (you know... because when you have a sore throat, you say 'i have a frog in my throat'? well, he has a frog in his eye.) hahaha. pesky frogs.

funny guy

from 5/18/09 - i just had to share this before i forget it. the other day i was in the car with football and he was making up jokes. i said 'you make me laugh' and he said 'i'm just humoring you mom'. :D it's the corect use of the word 'humor' and yet not.

Friday, June 19, 2009

wise words

from 4/28/08 - here are some wise words from my dear son artist (as he is looking at the clock and it is bedtime but the sun is still shining), 'how can it be nighttime when it is still daytime?' little hooligan! he cracks me up. :)