a rose by any other name...

walking into dicks sporting goods and artist says 'dad, why did they name this store after a penis?'

peas and thank you

football: mom, what does cannibal mean?
me: it is when a human eats another human.
artist: *shrug* a human is meat too.
football: you'd make a good zombie.
artist: thanks. it would taste better than peas.

the stench in the back

on the way home after picking the boys up from hockey practice:
artist: it stinks back here. like really bad.
football: that smell is us.

faster? no, prettier.

a commercial came on where a girl beat a boy speed skater and artist said 'that's not possible; a girl would never be faster than a boy. boys are awesome.'

i said 'boys are awesome. but so are girls.'

football said 'no, they're not. they're just pretty.'


uh, say what?!? i'm not sure if i should ground him or thank him. lol.

the shoes make the man

football, giving advice to artist: 'i used your shoes to run outside and they are slower than mine. good thing i'll grow out of mine soon so you can get faster.'

take me to your leader

the boys got cap guns for christmas. the blasting noise scares the puppy.

artist lovingly consoled cocoa by petting her and saying, 'it's okay cocoa, i come in peace'.

after she was calm, he ruined it by adding 'i come in peace but my gun doesn't'. :)

name your worth

bfp and i were joking with the kids about selling them. we asked them what they thought they were worth.

football came back with a prompt 'trillion dollars'. artist thought about it for a little while and said 'when i'm bad, you could probably only sell me for five cents; but when i'm good, it's more like three thousand million infinity dollars'.

i want infinity dollars. i could buy a lot of stuff with that. :)