an appropriate gift

one of the very first presents artist opened from his grandparents was some coal bubble gum.

he said 'geez, was i that bad this yea... oh wait, yeah i was.'

ha!

ode to the taco by football

oh amazing taco
i love you so much
every time i order you
i get a bunch

oh amazing taco
you delight me with your shell
it crunches when i bite it
it's crafted very well

oh amazing taco
i love your delicious meat
i have just eaten six of you
whoa! what a feat


**fifth grade writing project

words to live by

bfp (in reference to a football game): if you're gonna talk smack, at least be nice about it.

more cheese please

hubs and i took the boys to olive garden for lunch.  as i was telling the waitress how much cheese i wanted on my soup, she recognized me as a customer that had come in a few weeks earlier.

football said 'olive garden - where they know you by your cheese consumption.'

lol. 

don't win!

while taking the boys to school, the news had a small segment about the upcoming lottery drawing for half a billion dollars.  we started taking about what we'd could do with the money if we won.  one of my dreams is to take the boys out of school, hire a tutor and travel america and europe.

football was horrified.  'mom, please don't win.  i like school.'

both my boys are so inappropriate!

bfp and i were in the car, talking about some friends who are pregnant when football blurts out 'you aren't pregnant, are you mom?'  (no, no i am not.)  artist comes to my rescue saying, 'of course not.  i've seen pregnant people and they look weird.'  (i will TAKE that backhand compliment, son.  lol.)  football comes back with 'well, when pregnant people first start out, they aren't always fat and chubby and stuff.'  oookay, we have etiquette to work on.  not sure what to address first.  :)

proper english lesson

football:  dad, have you noticed when artist gets mad he says 'the heck!'?
dad:  yes, i've noticed.
football:  it bothers me.  can you make him stop?
dad:  why?
football:  he's skipping a word and it isn't the correct grammar.  you should tell him he needs to say 'what the heck?' instead.

say it ain't so!

football:  my favorite olympic event is the women's beach volleyball.  they wear bikinis and i like it.


...aaand it's started.

eeeevil

artist:  you know what mom?  i've decided i don't like the avengers anymore.  i like evil.

me:  o.O

artist:  it is boring to watch the good people win all the time.  plus evil makes cooler outfits.

front row

football:  how come we try so hard to get the front row in sports and concerts, but not in church?

astute observation as usual, kiddo.

cereal or milk first?

football to artist: how come you put your milk in the bowl first?

artist to football:  how come you don't?

football:  i don't know.

artist:  i like doing it right.

a rose by any other name...

walking into dicks sporting goods and artist says 'dad, why did they name this store after a penis?'

peas and thank you

football: mom, what does cannibal mean?
me: it is when a human eats another human.
artist: *shrug* a human is meat too.
football: you'd make a good zombie.
artist: thanks. it would taste better than peas.

the stench in the back

on the way home after picking the boys up from hockey practice:
artist: it stinks back here. like really bad.
football: that smell is us.

faster? no, prettier.

a commercial came on where a girl beat a boy speed skater and artist said 'that's not possible; a girl would never be faster than a boy. boys are awesome.'

i said 'boys are awesome. but so are girls.'

football said 'no, they're not. they're just pretty.'


uh, say what?!? i'm not sure if i should ground him or thank him. lol.

the shoes make the man

football, giving advice to artist: 'i used your shoes to run outside and they are slower than mine. good thing i'll grow out of mine soon so you can get faster.'